2.3 Empathy in Conflict Resolution and Collaboration
- 5 min reading
- 11 min activity
In a conflict, the first sentence often decides the rest. In theatre-style training, you can stop a scene, think, and try again. In real life you cannot rewind, but you can practise here, so that the better sentence comes faster next time.
- Use the Pause and Rewind technique in three conflicts: at work, at home and in the neighbourhood.
- Notice the difference between what is said and what is felt.
- See how reframing and active listening can calm a conflict, also when power is unequal.
How Pause and Rewind works
- Play
The scene starts. You answer as the character.
- Pause
When the tension rises, the coach stops the scene. What was said? What was felt? Who has more power?
- Rewind
Go back to the moment before. Choose a more empathetic answer.
- Replay
Continue the scene and see how it changes.
The historian Dominick LaCapra describes a kind of empathy he calls "empathic unsettlement". You let another person's experience touch you, but you remember that it is their experience, not yours. In a conflict, this means taking the other person's feelings seriously without losing your own position.
Being empathetic does not mean you must accept unfair treatment or take the blame. It means you listen first, so that you can then say what you need in a way the other person can hear.
Role-play 1: A misunderstanding at work
Ahmad, 22, from Aleppo, works in a small textile workshop in Istanbul. Yesterday the workshop leader, Ms Aydın, gave the team an order for 200 shirts. This morning Ahmad's team cut long sleeves. Now she stands at his table, upset, in front of everyone. You play Ahmad.
Role-play 1: The wrong sleeves
You are Ahmad. Ms Aydın is upset in front of the whole team. If the scene goes badly, the coach will pause it and you can rewind.
Role-play 2: A housing dispute
Yonas, 20, from Eritrea, shares a flat in Utrecht with Sanne, 21, a Dutch student. Last night two of Yonas's friends stayed over, and they talked and laughed until 2:00. Sanne knocks on his door in the morning. You play Yonas.
Role-play 2: A late night in the shared flat
You are Yonas. Sanne knocks on your door in the morning.
Role-play 3: Tension in the neighbourhood
Farid, 23, from Afghanistan, is a volunteer coach for a youth football group in Thessaloniki. At a neighbourhood meeting, Mrs Papadaki, a retired teacher who lives next to the pitch, stands up to complain. An officer from the municipality is listening. You play Farid.
Role-play 3: The football pitch
You are Farid, the volunteer coach. Mrs Papadaki speaks at the neighbourhood meeting. An officer from the municipality is listening.
Debrief
After a role-play, a workshop group talks about emotional shifts, power and the role of empathy in calming tension. Think about the three scenes.
Role-play debrief
Your answers are saved in your account. Other learners cannot see them. A short answer for each question is enough.
"I can see this is a big problem for you." "So it's not only about the noise, it's about feeling safe." "What would work for you?" "Can we look at it together?"
Play one of the three scenes with a friend, classmate or colleague. A third person watches and can say "Pause!" at any moment, then suggest a new line. Rewind and play again. At the end, each player says one thing that is different between them and their character.
- Pause and Rewind
- Stopping a role-play, choosing a better response, and playing the scene again.
- Reframing
- Saying the same situation in a new way that helps people understand each other.
- De-escalate
- To make a conflict calmer.
- Power dynamics
- Who has more power in a situation, and how it affects what people say.
In short
- Pause and Rewind: stop, look at what was said and felt, choose a better line, replay.
- Behind angry words there is often fear, stress or an unmet need.
- Reframing and active listening can change the outcome of a conflict.
- Empathy means listening first, not giving up your own needs.
Sources
- LaCapra, D. (2014). Writing History, Writing Trauma (new edition). Johns Hopkins University Press.
- Koopman, E. (2010). Reading the suffering of others: The ethical possibilities of "empathic unsettlement". Journal of Literary Theory, 4(2).